Small Print

Apparently my recorder is insured for almost anything. Exceptions include: Riot, radiation, terrorism or nationalisation, confiscation, requisition or destruction by the Government.

My thoughts on the issue are this:

Suppose I whimsically take my recorder on a guided tour of Sizewell B, on the off chance there is a touring mediaeval consort who are a man down. Whilst there, it slips out of my bag and, during the panic at a slight increase in the plutionium reaction rate, is mistaken for a missing cooling rod.

Naturally, I rescue it post-haste, but it emerges that the real missing cooling rod was snaffled by a group of militant environmentalists (led by Jeremy Clarkson, though in disguise lest he be identified and associated with tree-huggers, thus ruining his carbon-fuelled career) who swiftly find themselves in a three-way clash with the police and the Chiswick townswomen's guild (best not to ask), the latter siezing my recorder in the mistaken belief that it is a side-handled baton.

A passing member of the MMMMM (Militant Mennonite Movement for the Massacre of Mankind) recignises the true terrorist potential of a radioactive recorder, and quickly removes it from the clutches of the treasurer of the Chiswick townswomen's guild (still best not to ask) who has been using it to play drums upon the helmet of the chief of the local constabulary (with his head still inside).

Fortunately he is momentarily distrated by a sharp blow behind the ear from our dear friend Mr Clarkson (resulting in concussion, memory loss, and an eventual conversion to the Mennonite faith - clearly conversion in this case is valid, since he had no memory of his previous Mennonite involvement) and I am able to reclaim my rightful property.

There is clearly something of a story in all this, and within hours of me posting the tale on Facebook, my radioactive recorder has something of a cult following.

Such is its appeal that within weeks I am able to sell of 10,000 shares in my recorder on e-bay at a penny a time.

Sadly the government spots the security risk of a broken arrow (figuratively speaking) and enforces a compulsary buying order to bring my recorder into their ownership, before bringing in the bomb squad and blowing it up.

All completely feasible, and apparently not covered on the insurance. Makes you think, eh?